Giant Lego Man Washes Up On Florida Shore???

Last night my wife was reading our local newspaper online and there was an incredible article about a giant Lego man washing up on the shore of a beach about 15 minutes from our house.

http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20111025/WIRE/111029721/2416/NEWS?Title=UPDATE-Giant-Lego-man-washes-up-on-Siesta-Key-beach

Of course, my immediate thoughts were of media distrust and surely this was some type of Onion news article with some serious photo-shopping. But much to my chagrin, this was 100% real.

That’s right, a giant eight-foot Lego man with the words, “No Real Than You” on his chest, had made its way onto my beach.

Since it was apparently real, my mind quickly turned to a couple of possibilities as to what this oddity was and why it randomly washed up on my beach.

TROJAN HORSE: Duh, probably the most realistic explanation is that terrorists have devised a new plan to destroy America. And that plan probably involves terrorists filling giant Lego Men with anthrax, ricin and any other poisons Americans taught them to manufacture.

The terrorists will send thousands of these Lego Men out to sea and wait for unsuspecting Americans to find them. Once found, Americans will obviously want to touch it, take pictures with it and eventually try to dance with it. When the dance begins, the Lego Man’s mouth opens, vomiting poison into the air. Our coastlines will be eliminated within a few weeks and millions will surely die.

You might think this is a ridiculous scenario, but is it really? I’ve heard from some reliable sources that several Muslim extremists have been interning at Lego’s corporate office in Denmark, trying to learn everything they can about creating poisonous Lego Men.

ILLEGAL ALIENS: Since this is Florida, it could very well be a sophisticated raft built by Cubans trying to defect and make it to America.  Instead of poison spewing coming from its mouth, there could be several destitute illegal aliens hiding in its belly, searching for a better life. 

But I don't see any air holes on it, so that's probably not very likely.

LEGOLAND FLORIDA: Recently, Legoland Orlando opened in Florida and it could just be a giant publicity stunt to promote the new attraction. While representatives for Legoland adamantly deny any connections to the giant beached Lego Man, I think this could be a very distinct possibility.

But then again, why would Legoland Orlando want to poison Americans? That makes no sense and would definitely damage their attendance and ticket sales. Dead Americans can’t buy tickets, spend money on concessions or ride rollercoasters made from legos.

IN SUMMARY: I think it’s very clear what’s going on here. Terrorists are becoming increasingly inventive with their death plots. I mean who would ever think that a cute, giant Lego Man could be dangerous in any way?

Terrorists, I tip my hat to you. What’s next? Exploding dominoes? I’m already on to you. HA, good try.