How To Go To the Bathroom Effectively
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This is my first attempt at a "how-to" hub and the feedback will determine whether or not I do more.
One of the most important things in our everyday lives is going to the bathroom. Amazingly, this is something that most people neglect and take for granted. So, I wrote this hub to help inform others on how to go to the bathroom effectively. (this applies to men and women)
When To Go Tinkle?
Well, normally you will feel a tickling sensation or pressure in your bladder area. This can range from a subtle nudging feeling to a downright burning, "OMG, it's time to go" feeling. The OMG feeling is usually present while drinking at bars. When you experience these feelings, it's time to navigate to the nearest bathroom. Be sure to find the appropriate bathroom with the designated sign for your specified sex. If you accidently go into the wrong bathroom, this could become very problematic. Be sure to understand how to identify your gender, I cannot stress this enough.
Enter the bathroom and then proceed to the toilet area (for women) or the urinal (for men).
Women:
Make sure to close the stall door, spread copious amounts of toilet paper on the top of the toilet seat, then proceed with urination. When finished, wipe accordingly, check toilet seat to make sure you didn't leave any stray "debris" and flush. Then exit the stall, and wash your hands in the sink. Please refrain from passing gas at any time in the bathroom. There could be another women in there with you who is jealous of your beauty and she may proceed to tell all the men around about your "gas" issues. Only pass gas on crowded dance floors or in a very loud area of the bar.
Men:
Follow the first steps above about gender identification and then proceed to the urinal. Please, pull out your "business", begin urinating and look straight ahead. Do not, no matter how tempted you are, look down at another man urinating next to you. No one likes a "Penis-Watcher" and that's a good way to lose teeth (pun intended). When finished, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS. I'm tired of hearing, "but my penis is cleaner than anything in this bathroom." That's just nasty and is not supported by any credible scientific evidence.
Also, I almost forgot, remember to look down to make sure that you haven't dripped any extra splashes on the front of your pants. Make sure to shake it accordingly before zipping up. Please exit the bathroom and rejoin your friends.
Number 2:
Well, women never do that, so I have no instructions for you. But for men, this is a different story. If you are going to have to go "Number-2" in public, please be discreet about it. No one likes a pooper who brags and shows off while in the stall. Everyone knows what you are doing, get over yourself. And please, do not make any loud moaning noises, this is not necessary unless you are over 65.
Summary:
Going to the bathroom should be an easy part of your everyday life. Please don't take it for granted and please wash your hands. Never forget, toilet seats have been proven to carry H.I.V., so always be careful. (I'm pretty sure that's a scientific fact.)
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Although I thoroughly enjoyed your instruction I was left wanting for more information, like what to do if there is no urinal just a comode for a man to "pee". Why is there always a puddle of "pee" under a urinal? Is it O K to use the sink if there is no other opening? What to do when there is no toilet paper? All these need to be addressed. Thanks, Peter (no pun intended)
This is hilarious, but needed. I mean soooo many people can benefit from this hub! Thanks a bunch!
This is so funny I couldn't stop laughing- read it to my husband ! Are you doing all your how to's like this or are you doing some serious ones as well ?
When you say women don't do numer 2 s what do you mean ?
Women do number 2's in public - especially if they have a new live in boyfriend! After all, it's not polite or appropriate for him to know you go number 2 until years (possibly decades) into the relationship.
As for the instruction on passing gas? Brilliant! Women need to know that this is never acceptable unless you're somewhere where is can only be smelled, never heard. At least on a crowded dance floor, no one is sure that it was you.
Hysterical!
You're my number one cooldad.
(getting up off the floor and wiping away tears from laughing so hard) ... your "how to" article is effective in detailing urination basics, although as others have pointed out, you left out some critical information that first-time bathroom users would find useful. Also think about incorporating numbered lists for those for whom this task is new and need a little extra coaching. Rated up, useful, and funny!
@Paul: I'm glad I could help, thanks for commenting and stopping by.
@Peter & PWalker: thanks for the comments. I did think about a lot of different scenarios, but I didn't want the hub to be too long, maybe I will do an additional one
@stestifie: thanks for commenting, it's sad that some people need help with this, I am only here to help those in need
@freecampingaussie:I'm glad I could make you laugh, thanks for commenting and stopping by
@Motown: I had no idea women did that, apparently I need to modify my research, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub
@Mark: thanks for the inspiration
@freecampingaussie: i think i will continue to do more humorous hubs like this, i might do a serious one or two about cooking though, i like to cook
Whedn you make us laugh that is good !! Laughter is the beat medicine so thanks heaps ! Some need the advice as well !
Hilarious. Very creative idea for a humorous hub.
Hey cooldad, the tone of my "suggestions" was tongue-in-cheek :-:. The hub is perfect as it is.
@Pwalker: I know, but they were very good suggestions. I may do a Part II. thanks for reading and commenting
Good hub cooldad.
Me learn'n lots from u
Who knew thar were seprate rooms fer girlz.
'splains some of the strange looks I's getz.
Fantastic hub!
As far as 'how to' hubs are concerned, this is one of them.
I think you covered the whole aspect of this very well, in particular, the point about being sure to identify gender well in advance. This is a key point I think some of us gloss over all too often.
Ok. You nailed it. Enough said!
Wait, women don't?
@TK: thanks, I appreciate it. I'm always here to help
@seicheprey: thanks for reading it and commenting
@Phil: identifying gender is usually overlooked, thanks for commenting
@Alladream: thanks, I appreciate it.
@weestro: oh dear, no one told you?? I'm sorry, I feel like this is a "santa clause" moment
Very amusing. I laughed all the way through it. Except for the HIV thing. I do not believe you can catch that from a toilet seat. Nice try though.
Nice! I have a friend who doesn't wash her hands because "I didn't pee on my hands!" In fact, it would be better if you had as urine is sterile. Also, on the female side of things are the "hoverers" (Women who refuse to put their butts on the seat and instead "hover" over the seat which results in pee all over the seat) WIPE the freaking seat! That is all. Lol. Thanks for sharing this.
Great hub!
PaulPd0 Level 2 Commenter 9 months ago
I will try this some time next week, thanks!